I have
established this website in order to help others to find healing from
sexual brokenness, and to see the power of God to transform lives, regardless
of the struggles that you face. I chose the name of the ministry based
on David's Psalm 130 because it has been so meaningful to me. Like him,
I have cried from the depths of my soul to God, to heal me, to help
me, to save me. I wanted Him to give me the desire to go on living,
such was the great torment I experienced because of my same sex attractions
and their conflict with scripture.
I would
like to share how I became free and have come to a place where my heart's
desire is to see others find peace and hope.
Religion
has always been an important part of my life. As a child, I attended
Sunday School and Vacation Bible School. I sang in the choir and at
age 12, I joined the church along with the other members of the sixth
grade class. As a Girl Scout, I earned the God and Community Award.
I wanted to feel saved, but I had trouble experiencing that. I knew
the scriptures and I knew a lot about Jesus, but it was hard for me
to have a relationship with him. I feared God and I knew I could not
measure up. I prayed regularly, and I believe that God heard my prayers,
but I seldom felt forgiven. The idea of grace was unreal to me and hard
to comprehend.
When I
got to college, I had some friends who were active with Inter-Varsity
Christian Fellowship. We had many interesting discussions about the
Bible and Christianity. One of them confronted me asking why I would
not commit my life to Jesus as Lord. I shamefully disclosed the truth.
"I think I am a lesbian." I knew what the scriptures taught
about homosexuality and I was well aware that I could not be a Christian
lesbian.
Fortunately,
their response was one of compassion and not condemnation. They offered
no simple platitudes, but they prayed with me and for me. They didn't
stop hugging me, or caring. But they challenged me to pray about how
I really felt. They suggested that I let God deal with the matter.
After bringing
my pain before God, I did not act on those feelings again. At times,
I wanted to revert to my former behavior, but something always interfered.
The desires did not go away, nor did I stop having fantasies about same-sex
encounters, but I became more focused and desired to love God as He
loved me.
It was
not until I was much older that I began to deal with these feelings
and finally gained some understanding as to why I felt as I did. There
has been a lot of pain in facing ghosts from my past, and addressing
issues about myself and the way I relate to others (which I would have
preferred to have ignored). But because of God's grace, I was led to
therapy where real healing could begin. I also learned of the ex-gay
ministries and obtained literature and support from them. For the first
time in my life I did not hate myself. I truly desire to be obedient
to the Lord, and He knows that. I am not ashamed of my identity. I have
come to understand some of the needs which instigated the sexual behavior.
The process has taken a lot of time and forbearance. I continue to grow
toward wholeness, but at long last I KNOW and FEEL that I am saved.
I am a precious, unique child of God made in His image. It is no longer
an issue of religion, but of relationship.
Bonnie
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The Out of the Depths Ministries under the leadership of Bonnie Doebley has been a genuine inspiration to me and my wife. In addition to providing valuable reading resources and abundant summaries of research that she shares with us in the area of same sex attractions, Bonnie counsels parents on a one to one basis in an effort to address their concerns. Bonnie also has an impressive foundation in scripture to which she frequently refers. This knowledge of the Holy Bible has lifted our spirits on numerous occasions. Her deep devotion to the Bible has motivated my wife and me to read scripture more frequently, and as a consequence, we have been drawn closer to God. May this valuable Ministry continue to have God's blessing.J.D.
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The enemy has blinded unbelievers from seeing that from birth we are sinners, therefore do not see the need for forgiveness of sin. This blinded my eyes, when I was involved in a lesbian relationship, as I was looking in the wrong place for acceptance and comfort.
It was a very vulnerable time in my life. My marriage of 22 years, was falling apart. My husband of that time, was controlling, verbally abusive and short tempered. I feared being hit, as he had threatened such an action only months before. My friend came to visit. She saw the volatile circumstances, and asked if I needed a safe place to go. (At that time, she was contemplating coming out of homosexuality, and being a Christian, I supported her intentions.) Very quickly we became bonded emotionally, We became a couple within a week. It appeared we both found protection, acceptance, and emotional companionship in each other, and began an eight year lesbian relationship.
My spiritual eyes became blind and did not see it as sin at that time, but definitely see it now as sin in the Light of God's Word. I have asked the Lord to forgive me, and choose to walk away from that sin. I chose to walk away in His Strength and not my own. I choose to honor Him with my life.
It was a process of getting me to true repentance, over a period of eight years. At first, I tried to do it on my own merit only to succumb to the alluring sinful act of SSA (same sex attraction) once more. I would repent, be OK for a while, and fall again. It wasn't until that day when I saw that true repentance required seeing and acknowledging that SSA was a sin which I committed, thus grieving the Lord. I also see in order to truly repent, I needed to take positive action as well. In doing that, I knew that I had to walk away from the lesbian relationship, and that meant taking action as well. I no longer live with my SSA former partner, moved to create distance between the two of us, called Exodus ministries, and now am in counseling through them.
Even above all these positive actions, the pivotal point was when I saw SSA for what it truly is--sin which separated me from God. THAT was the day where I asked God to forgive me of that sin, and asked that He help me honor Him in all my ways.
Recently, I finished reading the book of Acts, I am amazed at the transformation of Saul to Paul. Saul was one who vehemently opposed the gospel to the point of ordering the death of both Christian men and women. What I found even more amazing is the transformation that God did in his life. Saul became so different, that God even changed his name to Paul.
In setting me free from the bondage of homosexual sin, God is transforming me also. I am no longer destined to hell, or being one of an act of abomination. I am forgiven and transformed in the renewing of my mind, in Jesus. I look forward to the day, when I can move forward in everything that God has called me to, as He so changed the life of Paul. I look forward to the day, when I am on the other end, and say to someone so desperately crying for help from this detestable sin and reply, "God loves you, He desires an intimate relationship with you, and is there to help you come out of this too. He did it for me. He can definitely do it for another. All you have to do is surrender your desires, acknowledge that homosexuality is sin, and not what God intended for your life. Ask Him to cleanse you from all unrightousness, and you will experience His smile with open arms."
For those of you reading this, I say," trust Jesus, and you will NEVER regret it!" ... As for me, He is my Everything! In His grace, Susan
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A little known tragedy buried in the pages of the Old Testament may
shed a lot of light on why a ministry like Out of the Depths
is an indispensable part of the Church of Jesus Christ.
Jerusalem's King David, his nobles, and the elite military
officers assigned to protect public officials fled the city
because of a treacherous coup d'état led by the king's
son, Absalom. As the small army of leaders frantically marched
a man named Shimei appeared adjacent to the road on which they
traveled. Samuel records the astonishing tirade which followed.
"He cursed as he came out. He pelted David and all the
king's officials with stones,
though all the troops and the special guard were on David's
right and left.
Shimei was going along the hillside opposite him,
cursing as he went and throwing stones at him and showering
him with dirt."
(2 Samuel 16:5,6,13)
What amazes me in this account is that, in Shimei's hatred
of David, he offers no solutions, no better plan, and nothing
positive-simply a barrage of curses. Some evangelical Christians
are like Shimei. Whenever the issue of homosexuality arises,
diatribes of angry words and dire pronouncements shower listeners
yet, few if any real solutions are ever put on the table. If
we believe, as the scriptures clearly teach, that homosexuality
is wrong, then what can evangelical Christians do to be a part
of the solution? I passionately believe that Out of the Depths
Ministry offers answers.
Out of the Depths Ministry not only speaks the truth, it speaks
the life transforming truth of God as the apostle Paul taught-with
love. (Ephesians 4:15). Far from throwing stones, Executive
Director Bonnie Doebley, is a part of the solution. Bonnie ought
to know, she had first hand experience-she left the lifestyle.
Here ardent testimony of how the grace of God transformed her
heart brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it. Bonnie retains
an extensive in-depth knowledge of issues related to sexual
brokenness, sexual addiction, and same sex attraction. Bonnie
is a gifted public speaker who stirs the hearts of every audience
with her powerful and informed presentations. Bonnie's personal
coaching sessions are as exceptional as her public engagements.
Modeling Christ, she effectively encourages the broken and brings
hope to the discouraged.
Out of the Depths Ministry is an indispensable part of the
Church of Jesus Christ. Despite the cultural shift to the left
in America, thanks to your prayers and support, this resource
and referral ministry for those affected by sexual brokenness
continues to grow as a vibrant part of the solution. Thank you
for partnering with us in this heart-transforming and healing
ministry.
In
Christ, Jeffrey W. Tilden - Chairperson
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T.R.'s
Testimony:
I am forever
grateful to the Lord for his mighty hand in my life especially when
it comes to things like my sexuality that people tend to cover up. I
am right now in the healing process of getting set free and delivered
from things of my past. Though it is very painful and hard to press
through, I know that at the end, every pain and scar would have been
healed by the stripes of Jesus.
I was seeking to talk to someone about the issues of my heart and my
mind and unfortunately, there was none available. But one day the Lord
opened up a door for me to attend a play that had to do with sexuality
and there was a woman of God there, and I read her testimony and she
shared her views as she stood in the forum. I was very blessed to hear
her share her testimony because I never heard any woman of God share
such a testimony especially when it comes to talking about sexuality.
I ended
up looking up the website of the ministry, and I emailed the ministry
to see if they offered any help and support. Well, to my surprise, I
received an email from the leader and I ended up joining their group,
and the woman's in the group showed me love, compassion and a hope that
I never had.
I
thought that I was alone in this battle, but when I found other woman
of God who loved God but who have been down my same road that put a smile
on my face. I thought that I was the only woman who was struggling with
the torment inside, and that I could never get free. But God through
this riches and mercy has shown me that I am not alone through blessing
me with Out of Depth ministries and allowing me to be myself and walk
through this healing process towards my destiny. I am grateful for Out
of Depths and I am thankful for the leader and those in the group who
have never judged me, but encouraged me and lifted me up in so many
prayers. I pray that there will be more ministries like this! ________________________________________________________________________________
A
Parent in Need's Testimony:
Thanks to Bonnie Doebley and Out of the Depths Ministry, I
have been able to cope with a situation that was foreign to
me. She gave me and my family the support we needed to deal
with our son on a daily basis.
It is hard enough when you find out your child is gay but to
deal with it on your own is really scary. And that is where
the ministry came to the aid of my family. We didn't know how
to handle something we had no knowledge of and thanks to Bonnie
and her ministry she gave us the tools to still live a normal
life.
And life can still go on; it just changes somewhat, but you
are not alone when you find people like this ministry. So I
would like to thank God, and thank Bonnie for her hard work,
and for always being there for us. Thanks for your support and
time; it is not in vain. God Bless
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Megan's
Testimony:
I knew better. I could see the trap that lay ahead. Yet, I walked willingly
into it - a relationship with another woman that consumed my time, my
creative energy, my passion and, but for the grace of God, my very soul.
I thought at the time that this would satisfy that deep longing for
someone to truly love me, hold me, care for my deepest needs. However,
the guilt, the shame, the deceit and, finally, the devastation was eating
away at every area of my life. I desperately needed help.
Help was there. I found
Homosexuals Anonymous and one of the members of the online support group
was the Director of Out of the Depths Ministry. I started to share more
and more honestly with her. Not only did she receive me with compassion
and understanding, she asked me the hard questions. Lovingly, gently,
she challenged my thinking and helped me to see what I was doing to
myself and my family. More importantly, she helped me look to the Lord
to see not only His love for me, but the wall I had put up between us,
keeping me from receiving the love I was seeking and so desperately
needed.
The process was slow, but Bonnie stayed with me, walking me through
the pain, rejection, and finally acceptance of His love through her.
Bonnie has continued reaching out to me, pouring herself into this broken
vessel. God has provided an instrument to bring me "out of the
depths" of pain and despair!
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Anonymous
Testimony:
One of the men I have coached who lives in California wrote:
Bonnie
Well, I was looking thru the Internet that Saturday and I found
you on "Yahoo". I do not remember the search
heading. I am glad that it was your ministry that I found. I
live on California/ Oregon border about 8 hrs from San Francisco.
I have searched nothing close....
I contacted other ministries in my desperation, but your the
only one that ever responded, and for that I would like to thank
you and encourage you. Just the few words really made a difference
for me.
Bonnie, something is changing in me lately and I know it partly
because of this
friendship. Thank You
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